Friday 20 June 2014

Woken up


Three words to describe myself :
Ridiculous ; disgusting ; sensitive .

All these while I guess I have been wrong to blame it on others , when actually the problem had always been lying on me . 
I woke up realizing it was all about me. 
I sincerely apologize if anyone suffered .



Though I probably have to agree that you can't find any flaws in describing me using those three words , however it's still quite hard for me to accept that it all was my fault . 
People often identify your imperfections as though they're perfect.

The reason for arguments...
The reason for bickers...
The reason for unhappiness...
I made you the reason for them . 
When you sum it all up, and all you can find behind the word reason , are two letters ; me. 




In this process of changing, guess I'm losing every other thing I possess. 
I feel different now . Letting go of so many things , so many thoughts , so many of the voices inside me . 
I've said it before , we let go of things , simply because of the reason it's too heavy. 

The thought of being called sensitive , being called ridiculous by the someone I care for the most in the entire world, Someone I could sacrifice anything for,   the thought of being so disgusting as a person, warms up my cheek. 


Don't love me, cause I will never be good enough for you. 

Advance Goodnights to everyone :) 

Monday 9 June 2014

Who am I

Often, many people tend to escape from their very own feelings, from how they feel, from how much these so-called "feelings"  are gonna bring them hurt and inflict pain on them mentally.
We all know, the infliction inside us, hurts much more then the pain you could actually feel physically.
A pity most of us find ourselves in that category - One of the many people that chooses to avoid their feelings. And that includes me.
We are all afraid of our own emotions.
I used to run and hide from my feelings especially when i felt something that was upsetting, painful, uncomfortable, or even something that made me angry about.
But overtime, i know I've got to learnt to accept something called my feelings. Something called my emotions.
 Because if I don't embrace them, its impossible for me to work through anything.



Why do people come up to me and tell me that they do not have a choice for the decisions made in their life? I have been struggling so hard just to understand that.
Indeed not everything we want, is gonna be given to us.
But for those readers reading this, have you forgotten to listen to that little voice inside yourself? 
The little voice that is the truest part of your soul, the key to your happiness. 
Ever know why you lost touch with your little voice in you?
Because you lost touch with your heart. Thoughts and voices of people got too loud that you can't hear yourself. 
Nobody but you knows what is right for you, so listen to your instincts.

  

Recently, life has not been "normal" for me. It seems like it gets "extraordinary surprises" as the numbers move on the calender. 
Its so hard to express myself with words when they don't seem to be able to figure out within themselves.
I know exactly what it is like to sit alone in the room, broken down, bruised inside out, wanting to get connected to someone. 
As much as i want to be there for people, as much as i want to be there for them to get through the darkest days, who's gonna stand by my side when i need someone? 
Coincidentally, whenever in need for someone, no one is free. 
The world don't stop revolving just for me. I've got to constantly remind myself that. 
When it comes to a time when someone cared to take little notice of you, does it still matter? 
Because every time I don't express myself, i die one piece at a time. 





I am half agony, half hope. 
I'm starting to realize how grateful one should be that when no matter how broken the heart may feel, it still has a beat.
Because I'm losing it. 
Because I'm losing my ability to feel. 
Because I'm losing that one piece that held every piece of my heart together. 




We hold on to the things we cannot change, and we end up losing ourselves. 
But no one told me that when your heart start letting go of things slowly, the ability to feel starts to fade. 
Because it is necessary to let things go simply for the reason that they are heavy. 

I'm Lost.